Has it Ever Occurred to You that You ARE an Imposter?

Imposter syndromeImposter Syndrome: just another name for a humble brag

When someone tells you they feel like an imposter, what they think is a shocking confession is the very definition of a humble brag as almost 100% of the time they should feel like an imposter. You could be a verifiably great dad or great boss, the Shakespeare of press releases, the Mozart of advertising jingles, or the Michael Jordan of actuaries. But you’re not Shakespeare, Mozart, or the Jordan who dropped 63 points on the Celtics in game two of the 1986 playoffs. You have to be several orders of magnitude more impressive to have a credible case of imposter syndrome.  Click here to listen.

Transcript

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Welcome to another edition of the NSFW podcast. 

Today on the NSFW pod I’m going to discuss my column Has it Ever Occurred to You that Maybe You Are an Imposter?, but before I get into it, I’ve been  asked how the pod differs from the column I do for Workspan and #evolve. So, for purposes of clarification: the pod is basically stuff that didn’t make it into the column, was not safe for NSFW – I know, what a concept – or things that occurred to me after my editor, Mark McGraw indulged my 10th revision and stopped reading my emails. 

I do mention bits and pieces from the column on the pod, but the pod version is different, or at least different enough. Which is another way of saying that listening to these pods is not an excuse for not reading my columns. If it’s any help, the actual column is only about 550 words, and takes less than two minutes to read. You’re in, you’re out, you can pretend it never happened and move on with your life. 

Now if you want to know how I really feel – what will it take for you to set aside 2 freaking minutes out of your day to read a mere 550 words…I don’t do it for my health, I do it to provide a welcome respite, to provoke a chuckle, maybe an actual LOL…is your life such a non stop thrill ride that you can’t take less than two minutes out of your day, once a month, to read the thing?

Look, I don’t mean to harangue you into doing anything you don’t want to do… my column isn’t a priority, even here in the Epstein household, where getting anyone to read anything I’ve written, turns into a hostage crisis…at least that’s what they tell me it feels like. But still…it’s only 2 minutes of your time for goodness sakes.  

Anyway, this does actually in a very roundabout way, get me to the point of this podcast. Most of our waking lives is a balancing act between saying what’s acceptable and what we really want to say. It’s what tact and diplomacy were invented for – to go around spouting our unfiltered thoughts like a certain former president, is not, usually, a recipe for social success or a way to make friends and get ahead in business – unless you’re a certain former president, but that’s another story for another podcast.  

Generally, no one likes a braggart. But sometimes, what’s worse is false modesty. A braggart is hard to take, but at least it’s authentic.  But there’s actually something worse than both – the humble braggart or what’s commonly known as the humble brag.

I’m sure you’ve all been there. Every so often someone will make what they believe is a startling revelation: “You won’t believe this, but even I feel like an imposter sometimes.” Even you? Impossible. Maybe I’m not aware that you’ve been working on cancer cures in your garage, late into the night, after a long day in the office moving around semi-colons on a report or decimal points on a spreadsheet.

What they think is a shocking confession is the very definition of a humble brag as almost 100% of the time they should feel like an imposter. I’m not saying you are a complete imposter – you could be a verifiably great dad or great boss, the Shakespeare of press releases, the Mozart of advertising jingles, or the Michael Jordan of actuaries. But you’re not Shakespeare, Mozart or the Jordan who dropped 63 points on the Celtics in game 2 of the 1986 playoffs. You may be a fake, a phony and a fraud, but you have to be several orders of magnitude more impressive to have a credible case of imposter syndrome.      

When someone bats their eyelashes and announces that they suffer from imposter syndrome, it’s less a confession than a kind of a double boast: a completely dishonest way to brag while seeming not to, and a way of casually announcing their superior refinement under the guise of fake relatability – I’m just like you, only much better. Please.

One example we’re all familiar with is the expected humble brag when we’re on a job interview and asked to reveal our greatest weakness. Mine happens to be my inability to suppress the urge to tell the interviewer that it’s a dumb question. Of course you mutter some version of the expected: I’m so detail oriented and focused, that it can take days to leave the office, go home and clean myself up. You’re hired!  Another example is the self-styled perfectionist who claims to be cursed with a need to achieve nose bleed levels of total excellence. What this usually means is that they’re a delusional control freak who can’t deal with criticism. The column goes on to list several classic humble brags, and decodes what the humble bragger really means when he or she humble brags.

My next podcast will be based on my column on Charismatic Leadership and Personality Cults: Fun While They Last.  I’ve worked for, with, and been around a number of very impressive people with considerable skills, gifts and charm. But not all had the “IT” factor –  aka,  charisma. Truly charismatic leadership is rare and while it can be exciting to be around, it’s not always as it appears or what it’s cracked up to be, and it’s seldom a sustainable formula for business success.

So, that slams the lid on another NSFW podcast. Thanks for listening, see you soon.

August 29, 2021 2:23 pm | No Comments

NSFW Podcast: Go Small or Go Home

Small talk

Go Small or Go Home: Mastering the Art of Small Talk

 

If you’re not comfortable with small talk, don’t feel you’re particularly adept at it, or flatter yourself by thinking you’re above it, news flash: get comfortable with it, get better at it, and don’t flatter yourself. In today’s virtual world, where so many interactions happen online, it’s essential in making a human connection and letting your colleagues and co-workers know that you care enough to ask them about non-essential things. 

I also give a sneak preview of the next Pod: Has it Every Occurred to You that Maybe You ARE an Imposter? When someone tells you they feel like an imposter, what they think is a shocking confession is the very definition of a humble brag as almost 100% of the time they should feel like an imposter. 

Transcript

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Welcome to another edition of the NSFW podcast. My most recent column in #evolve – go small or go home – is about something we all engage in whether we like it or not –  small talk.

Everyone hates or pretends to hate small talk. Banter, chat, chew the fat, shoot the breeze, bs…no problem. But small talk? Forget it. Probably because it implies an admission that you’re incapable of or for some deep-seated insecurity you shy away from the opposite of small talk – which I suppose is meaningful, knowledgeable conversation about big things. 

I always just love it when I’m milling around before a meeting or some function, and I’m working hard to engage someone I barely know, and after 60 seconds of a one sided conversation they give you a “look, I’m not good at small talk.” Yes, I’d prefer to be discussing Wittgenstein too, buddy, but we only just met and I figured we’d work up to  after the weather and last night’s ball game.     

The fact is, NO ONE likes making small talk – tap dancing for 60-90 seconds while you’re waiting for a meeting to start or talk to begin is awkward and very hard work, particularly if you’re the only one putting in all the effort.

But if you’re not comfortable with small talk, don’t feel you’re particularly adept at it, or flatter yourself by thinking you’re above it, news flash: get comfortable with it, get better at it, and don’t flatter yourself. In today’s virtual world, where so many interactions happen online, small talk is more than white noise – it’s essential in making a human connection and letting your colleagues and co-workers know that you care enough to ask them about non-essential things. Being all business on a Zoom call – unless you’re 15 minutes late – is not good for business.

Fortunately, it’s not hard to raise your small talk game – my latest NSFW column offers what I think is solid advice on making small talk, particularly in zoom-like settings. But it’s also time to start dusting off and upping your game for the real-world encounters that are just abound the corner, as things are starting to open up, and more people look to travel on business and make arrangements to attend trade shows.     

FYI, the pandemic is gold for small talk and is the perfect ice-breaker: so, how did you spend the past 18 months? And variations on the theme, which should put you on cruise control for easily 120 to 180  seconds.

In the next NSFW podcast I’m going to discuss my column, Has it Ever Occurred to You that Maybe You Are an Imposter? I’m sure you’ve had this happen to you – every so often someone will make what they believe is a startling revelation: “You won’t believe this, but even I feel like an imposter sometimes.” You? Even a genius like you?  Impossible.

Look genius, don’t flatter yourself. Almost invariably it’s a thinly veiled humble brag as the person claiming to be an imposter is an imposter and should feel like an imposter! The column goes on to decode what they really mean when confessing feelings of inadequacy and fraudulence…spoiler alert: when someone tells you who they are, believe them! 

That slams the lid on another – in fact the second – NSFW podcast. Join us for the next one, available wherever you listen to podcasts…we promise, they’ll only get better, hard as that is to image. Thanks for listening, see you soon.

August 29, 2021 12:03 pm | No Comments

Maiden NSFW Podcast: Get Over Yourself – Not Everyone Needs Your Approval

NSFW Podcast

 

Get Over Yourself – Not Everyone Needs Your Approval

This is the maiden NSFW Podcast, which first discusses the reasons for launching it: to get you to read the NSFW column in WorldatWork’s Workspan and #evolve, in addition to the other great content there….and to offer a handy alternative for those who prefer listening to reading. The pod then goes on to discuss employee recognition: why some people don’t need it, don’t want it, and would prefer that you keep your public displays of affirmation to yourself.

The maiden pod gives you a sneak preview of the next one – Go Small or Go Home, about why you should be upping your small talk game: if you don’t like small talk, are not good at it, or think you’re above it, news flash: get better at it and don’t flatter yourself. 

Transcript

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This is the Not Safe for Work podcast. Produced by WorldatWork and hosted by Charles Epstein, Workspan and hashtag evolve’s NSFW columnist and co-host of Work in Progress. Now, here’s Charles

Hello! Thanks for stopping by for this the first NSFW – that’s not safe for work, a podcast based on the NSFW column i write for Workspan and hashtag evolve which take a somewhat humorous slant on the business issues of the day. For over two years now I’ve cranked them out. Try making open enrollment and pay equity even a little bit funny – I dare you! Which is basically what my editors did – dared me to find humor in topics that are as inherently amusing as a splenectomy

While i think people have been reading the columns I can’t really say for sure and if there are, you’d think a column called not safe for work would get an outraged response every now and then. But in all that time I can count them on maybe one hand and that’s what two fingers tied behind my back as i’ve said before it’s sort of like being a sex columnist and never getting asked that on a date. And no i don’t expect to be dishing out sex advice as i can’t claim any expertise and obviously it would be in
very bad taste.

Anyway, so the main reason for this pod is to let people know that the column exists first which is an important first step in getting you to read it. For those of you who can’t vote or would rather not this should be the next best thing so again thanks for taking a moment to check this out.

With that out of the way, my latest column is fittingly on recognition you know we take it for granted that employees want to be singled out and celebrated for outstanding work. But what about gig worker who just wants to be left alone gig workers are there to produce results meet the contractual obligations and based on the performance either land another contract or move on to another gig that offers the same or more money and a change of scenery. You know, it’s inherently transactional
and anti-social you don’t spend several months here and several months there because you want to make friends for life.

If you want to get the best people to do their best work and hope they’ll re-up when the gig is up just let them deliver the work product they just want the freedom to work in their pjs at any hour from anywhere and get paid. That’s basically uh gig work in a
nutshell. So if you’re a manager, my recommendation is you save your public displays of affirmation for the poor bastards who need it, i.e., the rest of us. And obviously, given uh my prelude to this, that conspicuously includes moi. 

Anyway, for the full comedic impact of the column I encourage you to visit the url I posted in the description below, and please feel free to leave a comment. Complete sentences perfect grammar or welcome but uh by no means required. 

On the next NSFW pod we’ll discuss small talk and why if you’re not comfortable with small talk don’t feel you’re particularly adept at it or you flatter yourself by thinking you’re above it, newsflash: get comfortable with it, get better at it, and don’t flatter yourself. In today’s virtual world where so many interactions happen online being good at small talk is a big thing and I’ll go into more detail and why you need to get better at it. So stay tuned.

So, that slams the lid on this first edition of the NSFW podcast. I hope this won’t be your last or last please join us for the next one thanks for listening.

Voice Over: This was the Not Safe for Work podcast hosted by Charles Epstein,Workspan’s and hashtag evolve’s NSFW columnist. This podcast was produced by WorldatWork, a leading global organization for professionals who are engaged in the critically important practice of total rewards.

August 14, 2021 4:27 pm | No Comments